SITE NEWS
10.05.07: Meniscus update, Unloaded Mentions League updated |
A guide to Menisc-ese Being
a monkey, Meniscus has his own way of talking. Sometimes it seems like
he's being a bit grumpy and even downright insulting. I can
assure you that he means it all! Anyway, just so you know what he's on
about - here's a glossary of regular insults used by Meniscus...
'TP' - 'Toss Pot' - Driver of the 305
car!
'Simmo @ Brum' - Somebody not going very
quick!
'Gary-Wrenched' - Taken out by someone out of
control!
1. Measure twice, cut once!!!'Scrot' - Short for scrotum (Latin for scrutineer!!! Honest!) 'Flyin by wire' - Meniscus has taken control of TP's driving... Thank God! 'Being Meniscussed' - When there is no other explanation for other cars falling to bits, throttle sticking etc... MENISCUS'S TOP TIPS: |
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You Know what they say......about the bloke who invented decorating, don't you? - 'He wants
F....g!'
I don't believe it,
I've been sat on this wing for 13 meetings watching reds, superstars, whites,
yellows and blues all lapping the useless Tosser! Then what does he go and do,
when he finally gets the car set up on scales - he leaves me tied to the blue
wing facing the floor in the garage! He goes off to Barford with Mikes old
Yellow wing and gets a 2nd and 3rd, both well in front of Mike I might add(maybe
not that far in front in the heat - a little bit of rubbing was going on, but
not enough to take TP out).
All that rubbing was
done by the man who is so loved-up at the moment, he can't be bothered to go to
Buxton on a bank holiday Monday - what's that all about?Have an argument and go
racing...
Quick interlude
(Imagine the screen going all wavy, someone playing a harp and me thoughtfully
gazing into the distance)...
That reminds me
of a story that Les Brown(643) sadly departed, told me. It was about 16 years
ago (I'm not as young as I look(Meniscus that is, not Les - he was ancient)),
anyway, he was telling me, while he was getting stewed on a bottle of Jack sat
on his trailer mudguard with Pete Manser(714) (That is 'Lip Manser's'
Uncle)(Current Barford Banger Driver 714), sorry I'm digressing again, he
said 'that he was fed up with 'her in doors' so at the end of an argument one
Friday night he declared - 'I'm going to the shop to get a paper' - slamming the
door behind him - he hooked up the car and went to a Skeggy speed weekend.
'Excellent' I said - 'when was that?' and he said 'Last night' and then stood up
and fell over, closely followed by Pete Manser! My hero!(Les not Pete - he's
still alive, so no way is he my Hero - but he is ancient!). I don't think she
noticed that he hadn't brought the paper in on Sunday night - Stupid
Women!
(If you didn't
understand that paragraph read it again and pause where there is a comma and
group the bits in brackets together, if it still doesn't make any sense your an
Eedyat!)
...Anyway Mike, get
over the loved up stage and come back to us - full time, we need the crack! - oh
but what is that thing on your wing? A shark - is that a reference to
Greavsy(The salesman?) or is he supposed to be competition for me - he's got no
chance(It is a he, isn't it?) and once TP gets that Lemon Top up to full speed
and a few more 17 point meetings, we will be back to blue top mediocrity for the
rest of the season - I hope!
 Mike's wing-shark... Competition for Meniscus??? Pah!
Back to the
racing - Buxton on Monday(he forgot me again, cos after Barford he decided to
'emulsion the utility' - that sounds dirty, but he was just painting the room
next to the kitchen, honest!, so he had to change the diff in the morning and
then was late setting off and then was late getting there and missed the
practice and then put wets on and it dried, so changed the two outside tyres but
didn't have time to do all four.....excuses, excuses) - the upshot of it all was
that he got a bit sideways - 702 went over his bonnet and knocked the
distributor cap off in the first heat - the distributor lead fell off in the
consolation(Meniscus strikes again - I'll teach him to leave me at home, with
that little metal clip and screw that holds the dissy lead in). He did managed
7th in the National - 4 points from yellow, perhaps blue is a bit further away than I
thought...you know what 'Summer and Yellow' means - Corn fly's - 'Mostly stuck
in your teeth' - Oh Joy!
I'm not
letting him leave me here for next weekends Skeg Speed weekend, which we have a
booking for, I'm going to get strapped on to that yellow wing tonight. Hopefully
Mrs Meniscus will be there - I haven't seen her for over a year (my arms
aching). She was kidnapped by that other useless 'Loved-up Lemon-Top' 501 Jason
Ward. Bring her back to me Jason - I need to mount her on the wing next to me -
OO-ERR Misses!
See you all at
Skeg
M
You know what they
say about the man who invented F....g, don't you?- 'He wants
Decorating!'
For all those reading this who are under 18 - Replace F....g! with
'Forgetting' or 'Flatulating' or any other word that begins with F and ends in
G. If its still funny have a laugh and let me know so I can have a laugh later -
its like an interactive story that just keeps
giving!
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Enough Stox The Aycliffe Project |
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